WHO SHOULD BE BLAMED FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? THE VICTIM OR THE ABUSER?

by - 22:19:00






Yesterday I saw a video in which Monalisa Chinda (a Nigerian Actress) was saying we shouldn’t blame men who beat their wives because women are talk anyhow. I was so disappointed when I watched that video; the truth is I had expected much more from her especially as she is also a victim of domestic violence. Putting into perspective what she said, can we safely conclude that she deserved to be flogged by her ex-husband because she talks too much? Or she provoked her ex-husband into beating her?


I honestly don’t get this stupid argument which is, unfortunately, gaining grounds. We shame victims of domestic violence, blaming them for the unfortunate treatment they receive at the hands of their abusers. Sadly, Monalisa isn’t the only actress who has said something like this. The other one was Empress Njamah who said women who talked too much deserved to be beaten, saying “women torment man mentally”, so they should also be blamed for domestic violence. Isn’t it an irony that its women who say these things?

Let’s get this straight, no matter what anyone does or says, no one deserves to be hit. You’re not their father or their mother that should be beating people. To people (men & women) who beat their spouses or their partners, why don’t you beat or slap your boss when they provoke you? Why don’t you beat strangers when they provoke you? No, you won’t hit other people oh, you will swallow whatever abuse they rain on you, but if your spouse so much as raises her voice, a slap will follow next.

People who abuse their spouses/partners are cowards. Yes, cowards, who know they are nothing, cowards who are insecure, and afraid. They mask their insecurity and fear by hitting their partner. 

Naturally, women are talkers, but that’s where it ends. If you can’t stand her talk, exit the place. The self-control you exhibited when your boss rained abuses on you, is the same self-control you should exhibit at home. Every human being that calls his/herself an adult should be matured enough to put a lid on your emotions. 

I always say to people around me, a man who doesn't have patience have no business getting married. A woman’s mouth will test you, but like I said, no matter what she says, she doesn’t deserve to be hit, you are not her father. 

I watched the video on instablog (a Nigerian blog on instagram) and it saddened me that a lot of guys/men do not see anything wrong with domestic violence. You guys needed to see how men were in support of what Monalisa said. It means that a lot of women are suffering abuse in the hands of their partners or will suffer because we are breeding and defending potential abusers.

You know what I believe is the reason why a lot of men feel empowered to abuse is because, for decades, society has made and has trained us to see the man; a man as a prize, so we women see each other as competitors and rivals that must outdo each other to win the prize; the man. 

Until women especially, begin to value themselves, abuse is not going to stop. Until we stop seeing the man as the prize; abuse is not going to stop. 

Please to whoever is reading this, you have no right to hit anyone, regardless of whatever they do or say. I will end this in the words of Bucks Fizz, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the Kitchen.

Thank you for reading.

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