Tuesday, 18 April 2017


Ladies/women are generally and/or basically wired a certain way such that certain components have to be not just present but standing erect, firm & sturdy to bear the weight of a relationship; a romantic relationship with them. These components, "Pillars" if you may bear the weight of the relationship itself just like literal architectural pillars bear the weight of a building & alongside the walls ensures that the quality of the foundation counts for something, being that the pillars connect the foundation often to the roof. Your guess is as good as mine (as hinted by the title, lol) that these pillars are PROVISION, PROTECTION & PRESTIGE. 

Just like architectural edifices requiring pillars seldom remain standing with just one pillar so also the fortress that a relationship seldom stands, as a sure success where and/or when the man who seeks her love possesses only one of these pillars or none at all. Most men do fine with two (2) of them after all, 2/3 is academically considered a pass mark while 1/3 is deemed a failure. Men who possess the three (3) in good measures are so awesome, yet so rare; such a man is deemed a unicorn! A fantasy creature considered by many to be an awesome work of fiction hence does not exist. 

This article does not in any way state that other components of a relationship such as communication, understanding, attention, care, patience, forbearance etc are in anyway less important, in fact, they very likely maybe more so & may constitute other perhaps arguably more important parts of this fortress. This becomes more vivid, especially when one considers that there is such a thing as the foundation of a building, walls, doors & a gate or gates amongst many other things. With that said... 


PROTECTION simply put is the process of keeping safe or remaining safe. A woman is made to want to be protected, she wants to feel protected, of course, there are exceptions to every generalization, however, the feeling of protection is heartwarming to the average woman, especially when it is by someone she loves regardless of whether or not she is capable of protecting herself physically or otherwise. Pushing aside the academic meaning of protection, in literal and/or real terms, a woman wants a man who can protect her interests, well-being & welfare. I see a number of muscle building gym buffs on the side flexing their muscles in excitement but sorry to burst your bubble "homies", that is not what this necessarily means. She asks herself certain questions which beg answers that may render the circumference of your arm redundant. 

"Can he protect the investment of my emotions, time, resources, sweat, tears (of joy & sadness), money, prayers, effort, energy and the entire essence of my being amongst many other things and make them into something beautiful?" "Can he protect them & me, my spirit, soul, body, emotions, psychology, finances, endowments, gifts, talents, skills, abilities and blessings alongside the things I hold dear, material & immaterial, animate & inanimate, human & non-human, such that I and/or they do not suffer loss?" These questions are potentially more rhetorical than not. Muscle mass is hardly the matter, last time I checked muscles were and/or are for sale to the highest bidder. Sister, it isn't about his six packs, question is, can he offer protection? After all, one who can offer protection can also get a six pack if he sees fit however the reverse is rarely the case. 

Now to the pillar of PROVISION

A contextual meaning of PROVISION is to make what is needed and/or desired available. This article does not condone nor encourage shallow mindedness where a man is only as good as the worth of his substance to materialistic women & their likes, having said that... Questions like can he asides material things provide a peaceful relationship, a loving one? Can he provide joy, happiness and the kind of support that not only makes you a better person but the very best you can possibly be? Such that even people who may not necessarily have found her attractive before, physically and otherwise begin to wonder what the secret formula to the new look and feel is, only to do some fact finding after which her man is discovered to be the reason for her new glow. Do you want to be that man? You can be that man. Can he provide these & more regardless of whether or not you intend to use them to full potential? 

PRESTIGE may be taken to mean how good the quality of a person's reputation is or how favourably someone is regarded. This, in my opinion, is the most subtle of them all. A woman wants to know, um scratch that, needs to know how much regard & respect her man is afforded by his peers, her "home girls", her family, her colleagues and the society at large. The subtlety of this pillar is that it potentially leaves the door open for people's opinions to dictate the taste and tempo of one's relationship preferences & activities. However, it's place in the greater scheme of things can neither be denied nor over-emphasized

Whichever perspective one chooses to look at it, one cannot deny that a woman deserves to be proud of her man; for the prestige of her man is also hers by extension. It is usual practice for the subordinates of a boss to pander to the whims & caprices of their bosses’ wife whether or not she has the flimsiest qualification or financial might. The former first lady of our country Nigeria was said to lack adequate education & academic qualifications, some even ridiculed her spoken English. Despite all these, she had so much clout, so much so that some even said she had more clout than the then president, Goodluck Ebele Jonathan; all these because she was the wife of the president, she neither contested nor won any election yet she enjoyed the privileges of the office of the president. People even go to extra & great lengths to please their bosses' wives because to disrespect a man's wife is to disrespect him & to get in her good books is often a surer way to get favours from the boss than even being in the good books of the boss himself. 

The onus rests on men to work & strive to climb the prestige ladder of society; self-improvement should have no limit... After all the room for improvement is the largest room there is, or so they say. The prestige of a woman is intertwined with that of her man and often is one & the same as that of her man. If he cannot add to her prestige, he should at the very least not rubbish the little amount she had been able to gather before he happened along. So pardon women if they seem arguably overly particular about the prestige of the wagon to which they intend to hitch their love ride to...

In the final analysis, provision, protection & prestige being the three (3) pillars, the three (3) "P's" if you may, of female love communication requires that a man fulfills at the very least two (2) out of three (3) of these to even begin to harbour imaginations of a romantic relationship, let alone succeed at it. Any man who falls short of these prerequisites should do humanity a favour by staying focused in the initial pursuit of the three (3) "P's" & spare people's daughters’ undue and/or unnecessary heartache. There is a time for everything under the sun; hence perhaps for such a man who lacks these "P's" his time is yet to come...

This article was written by Tayo Odeyemi. He is a freelance writer whose niche is social commentary, with written works that appeal to the intellect and conscience of man. He resides in Abuja, Nigeria. He can be reached on facebook at https://web.facebook.com/tyodeyemi.

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