WHY YOU SHOULDN'T BE FRIENDS WITH AN EX

by - 17:12:00



This past weekend, one of my friends was asking me if I wished my ex-boyfriend a happy birthday. I said no and she asked why? I answered; did he wish me a happy birthday? Then she went, life is not like that. I then told her, babe let me tell you, in fact, I blocked him on Facebook. 

To say she was shocked is stating the obvious. I told her once an ex always an ex. I can’t be friends with an ex. She was surprised, she then asked me, then are you guys now enemies? I said no oh, not enemies, but we definitely are not friends. 

The way a relationship ends determines to a large extent whether the former couple can be friends again. But I personally wouldn’t recommend exes being friends. 

I have my reasons below

1.      I believe we have misunderstood the real meaning of friendship, how else would I want to be friends with someone who hurt me real bad? Seeing the person continuously would never make me heal, instead, the more I see the fellow, the angrier I become and the more I’m reminded of the pain the person caused me. 

2.    How else would you move on, if you’re still friends with your ex? The best way to move on from a relationship is to unfollow the ex on social media, block their phone number and keep looking forward. It’s not weak or dramatic to stop following your ex on social media—it’s strategic. If you don’t, you’ll just end up staring at your phone all day, waiting to find clues in each new Instagram they post.

3.    Moreover, even if the relationship ended mutually, it is practically impossible not to feel jealous or competitive when your ex, finds love again.

4.    If the relationship ended on a sad note, or there was a bad breakup (which is mostly the case), the only motive for staying friends with your former partner is if you want to shoot them (lol). 

Here are 10 reasons when being friends with your ex is a bad idea.

1.    If you still love the ex: no need hoping for some miracle, accept the loss and move on (a break up is like a loss).

2.     If your ex is still in love with you: it is plain wickedness to be just friends with someone you know that loves you. If you can’t love the back, please let them go.

3.    If the relationship was a toxic one: who needs negative energy around.

4.    If you’re lonely.

5.    If you feel you can’t meet someone better. If you feel like this, it shows you have a low self-esteem, which is the more reason why shouldn’t be friends. 

6.    If you’re still hoping for the relationship to be rekindled: in most cases, you would be disappointed, and this is not a genuine reason for wanting friendship. Is there a part of you that still wants to get back together with your ex? Are you holding out hope that you might rekindle what you once had? If that’s the case, it’s not best to go the friend route.

7.    If you want to keep tabs on them: I know it’s tempting to stalk your ex on social media, but my dear you don’t need all that High BP and unnecessary jealousy.

8.    You pity your ex-partner.

9.    You want to keep your ex-partner as a spare tyre.

10.    If you want to flaunt your new relationship. Do you subconsciously want to be close to them so you can prove to your ex that you’re in a better place? It’s easy to fall victim to that game where your pride gets the best of you and you feel like you have something to prove — that you’re better off now without them.

You might post a pic on Instagram of yourself with a new flame, hoping that your ex will see it. If you find yourself with this mindset, it’s probably not healthy to spend a lot of time with them.

Before you contemplate having an ex for a friend, you need to 

1.    Have an Ex detox: get rid of everything that has to do with your ex, eg pictures, unfollow them on social media, stay away from parties that you would run into them at least for a period of time, to enable you to process the loss, gain confidence and just generally heal.

2.    Get proper closure. if questions still remain as to why the breakup happened in the first place — what you did wrong, why your ex choose to call it off — then if you do engage in friendship, you’ll always be somewhat insecure and never able to be comfortable with each other. You can only have this conversation if both of you agree to it, and try to have it in a situation that won’t lead to hooking up with your ex.

3.    Ask yourself why you guys broke up in the first place?

Did you break up with your ex because there was one thing you couldn’t stand about them or the relationship? It’s always easy to remember the more positive aspects. If you’re feeling lonely after the breakup, it can be easy to fall into the “grass is greener” syndrome and forget the more negative aspects of the relationship.

For those, it’s critically important to remember that people very rarely change in fundamental ways. They just don’t.  Lots of people stay in toxic relationships because there are/were moments of good times in the relationship. If you feel like you can change the person, you might have a bit of a “savior syndrome” where you try too hard to help people. But, a person’s inherent nature just doesn’t change a whole lot — particularly if they’re not willing to.

So, think back. Were there aspects of being with your ex that you absolutely despised, but you think might have changed by now? Odds are, that’s not the case. If it was something that would deter you from having a mutually beneficial friendship, then it’s probably best to steer clear.

Moving on is hard, don’t complicate issues by being friends with an ex. Keeping your ex around can make it harder to move on from the relationship and the feelings you had. 

According to Psychologists, staying friends with your ex-partner is the worst idea ever and I just have to agree with them. 

I absolutely believe that if you can be friends with an Ex, you never really loved them in the first place. 

When we say friendship with an ex, what do we really mean? Is it to be friends that we can confide in, or your buddy that you can hang out with, or friends with benefit? Or just being plain friendly whenever you see them? Whatever the case, when next you run into an ex, make sure you look fabulous. 

What’s your opinion about this? Can you be friends with an Ex or are you friends with your ex, how were you able to manage it? Your comments would be highly appreciated.

Additional material gotten from Askmen.com

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4 comments

  1. nice view.in my own case. i sure have been friends with my ex but firstly we had a distance because i had to be sure there was closure and after a while we spoke.
    the thin line is that communications should be limited and when discussions are getting emotional then one would need to cut off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with you, Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.

      Delete
  2. For me, I think you can be friends with your ex if you guys are over each other and have moved on to other people, irrespective of how it ended...I believe some people are better friends than lovers and the relationship between them was just a mistake

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm, great perspective. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.

      Delete

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